Ever notice how “Osama Tapes” only show up when someone’s approval ratings are down? I wonder if that’s a coincidence…?
Question: If a liberal president commits an act of adultery while in office and ends up in front of a congressional commitee…how many countries must a conservative president destroy in the name of peace to end up in the same place?
Answer: 
As though staging a multi-state, multi-date club concert tour weren’t enough…My good buddy DJ Haggis in his ever valiant crusade against spam has updated my site for yet a second time….(Imagine my embarassment when I realized I hadn’t posted anything about the first one….)
So, in an effort to generate more content, I’ll should be posting about once a week typically on the weekends. This is an attempt to create more of a “finished content” feeling toward the writing I do, and will thusly encourage me to keep it up.
Hope to hear your comments in the future
Haggis….this one’s for you.
So, I got married on September 3rd, in case you weren’t aware. And my lovely wife surprised me with a honeymoon trip to Las Vegas. We had alot of fun roaming around and taking in all that is Lost Wages, erm…..Las Vegas. On a particularly nice Wednesday evening, we decided to visit “Classic Las Vegas” down on Fremont Street. Home of the old school casinos from before most people alive today were born. We walked into the Golden Nugget and immediately saw one of those enormous slot machines, the 6 foot long ones with 4 reels. RaRa, my lovely wife, asked me for some money and I obliged…she pushed the “Bet One Credit” button 5 times. She looks at me and says,”No one ever bets max credits on these things.” Which makes sense since it’s to the tune of $5. After kissing her ring finger…pulled the handle….and BAM!!! DINGDINGDINGDINGDING!!! We had won $50. So, with the $5 left as credit in the machine, I repeated Laura’s little luck ritual…and BAM!!!! The reels stopped on Bar Bar Bar Bar…DINGDINGDINGDINGDING!!! $250 in dollar tokens starts falling out, at this point we realize we need cups to carry all this freaking change. We cashed in at a net total of $235 (we spent $10 on the two pulls and RaRa give $5 to some grumpy looking woman giving us the evil eye). We walked out the door and headed directly for the nearest “Refuge for Women who are Clothing Challenged” (Read: Topless Bar). We had a blast. So, now I’m feeling like the luckiest man on the planet. I’ve got a beautiful wife, a surprise trip to Vegas, won $300 on a $10 bet, and got to drink 4 drinks to the tune of $40 without so much as a wince. Yep, I’m changing my name. (j/k)
Tomato juice does not work for getting the scent of a skunk off of a dog. Go ahead - ask me how I know… Welllllll, it all started this morning around 2 a.m. when Xian woke me up to ask what gets skunk scent off of dogs. Man - let me tell you - that wakes you up quicker than that annoying *beep-beep-beep* sound the alarm puts out! So, for all you dog owners out there, if there is ANY chance you or your dog at some point could come in contact with a skunk - there are a few things you should stock in your pantry.
(Note: this will work for a dog the size of a Beagle, you may have to vary your quantities accordingly)
1 bottle Hydrogen Peroxide (unopened - eventually, it will lose it’s potency and become more like H2O rather than H2O2)
1/4 cup baking soda
1 bottle of water
1 teaspoon of dish-soap (a couple of drops of blue Dawn will do wonders)
Apply while the mixture is still bubbling and let soak for 10 - 15 minutes (we closed him in the shower).
Now, of course, many of you know - we have a Great Dane which factors out to about 6 - 8 bottles of Hydrogen Peroxide, the whole dang box of unopened baking soda and a 2 gallon bucket of water with a 1/8 o’ cup of Dawn. Unfortunately - we didn’t have that in our cupboards at 2 a.m., and if you could have found a place out here in our town that would have been open, I would have kissed you hard on the mouth.
I included the correct directions above because ours went something like this:
Rush to the computer and Google ‘Dog Skunk Smell natural remedies’ and speed read the recipe without any instructions.
So our recipe actually went a little differently…:
1/2 a bottle of hydrogen peroxide from 2001 that was covered in dust and sitting on top of our spice rack
1/4 cup from the fresh baking soda box in the fridge (I’d bought it for cookie night with Jess)
as much water as would fit in the bucket
1 huge squirt of dish soap
Scrub and Rinse………….(didn’t wait - dog still stank…alot)
*went to see what else I could scrounge up while Xian scrubbed and sprayed the dog (tied to the porch) with a hose (also soaking his beloved birkies) - at this point I feel I should also mention the minor detail that Xian hadn’t realized that Snoop had been sprayed, and had brought him inside the house for about 10 seconds - you can imagine the odiferous emanations wafting from my entryway…*
Recipe attempt #2:
What ever I could knock out of the baking soda box….period.
A very tiny bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide that I’d found in the back of the medicine cabinet, I think it’s only 2 years old…
a couple of drops of Dawn
and a cup of water (figured it’d make more of a soapy/pastey substance)
So now, we have a Stanky House, Stanky Shoes, Stanky Snoop and man am I going to be prepared next time….
It’s getting closer every day (imagine that). Things are coming together while I feel my mind is falling apart. The more I try to juggle everything that I have in the air, the more it seems like more things keep appearing. People tell me not to try to do it all myself, but then they aren’t jumping up with their hands raised to volunteer either - which just makes it all more frustrating. It’s like ‘thanks for your concern, but if you’re not here to help - get the frik out of my way.’ I think I’m going to institute a daily cry kind of similar to a daily Siesta, but instead of feeling rested afterward you feel…drained or relieved. I’m not sure - I guess I’ll try it out and let you know. And by the way people - THE RSVP HAS A SPACE FOR NAME AND NUMBER please use it……….. (I keep getting these nice RSVP cards that just checked - ‘I’m psyched for the party. Count me in!’ but I don’t know who they’re for. It’s fun trying to guess based on postmark alone.)
30 days left. With the help of my children and Xian, of course, we managed to get all the invitations out yesterday. *I think I need to print one more - but that’s a new invite sooo, not my fault.* I’ve been slightly distracted this morning - it appears one of my closest and dearest friends is freaking out on finding love. Not looking for it, but finally finding it. Isn’t it amazing how when we finally discover that one thing we’ve been searching for - it’s like finding your keys in your coat after you’ve torn apart your whole house looking for them. Anywho, its back to work for me. Laters dudes.
It’s finally down to the wire. Time for the going to get tough (it already has) and the tough to get going (I’m still trying to figure out where I put the map). Personally, it’s a little stressful. Considering it’s officially 1 month away. Heck, if you had a countdown clock like I do - you’d know it’s 1 month, 0 days, 9 hours, 11 minutes and 20 seconds until the cocktail hour tips off on the day of our nuptials. But I have this feeling that I need to do more. I mean yeah, planning a wedding where almost 200 people have been invited (I know, I know expect only 100) and we are mailing out the invitations today - doesn’t give 1 smidge to the idea that I’ve got a lot to do. But in the effort to get to the altar, I feel that this medium may give me the opportunity to track my goals…etc. Goal for today. . .get ALL the invitations out. (stop freaking people, we sent out save the date cards over a month ago) I’ll let you know how it goes! Maybe next week we can pick out flowers or something productive.
So I’ve been attending what I’ll call (for CYA purposes) help desk training. It’s amazing! I now have a new respect for the people on the other end of the phone lines (shout out to kayla). I thought I was an awesome multi-tasker until I watched another woman file her nails while she walked someone through an entire process verbatim - without looking at her computer! I’m strictly old-school. I like to have my printouts handy, and don’t work well maneuvering between applications, so it will be interesting to see how this turns out. The interesting thing is that I’m in training for a service that I also subscribe to - so it’s like I’ll be my OWN helpdesk! I’m learning things about the service I have - that I had no clue about as just a customer. So overall, this has been a great learning experience. And hey, when I’m done - I’ll know how Doctor’s feel with people always asking for free advice. Well, minus the huge paycheck, hot nurses and sports cars - of course!
Thanks to our fantastic webmaster (and close friend) DJ Haggis , we now have a new look for our humble little web-page. After much discussion and delay Rara and I finally decided on a template for our page. Although, there are still some finishing touches to put on it, our upgrade is now complete. Hope you enjoy.